Talk about the future like we have a clue...
Never thought that that one day I'll be losing you...
Okay , so that's what KatyPerry thought. But , I do know you'd leave me , or I'd left you. Cause people died eventually, just I never thought this fast. Mum, I'd never expect this early you would be gone.
It's been three years now. Time flies so fast. Sometimes I feel nothing. No need to dwell on the past. People left, but life goes on. But, sometimes it hurts,badly when reality hits. When people tell me I don't have a mother anymore. When people keep telling me how strong I am to went through all these. I'm not that strong or anything. Just I need to be it. I have no option. Hem , during national service I felt a pang of jealousy mixed with a little bit of sadness. Parents came and visit their daughter and son. But in my case, my sibling instead who came. Fine, I'm grateful at least someone visited. It just feels defferent.
How I missed your tenderness, your kindness. How I wanna be a great woman like you. The one who cooked delicious food which people do enjoy. The one who have the green fingers when she plant trees, it grow beautifully and let out fruit for us to eat, plant flowers which add colours to our home. Sew and design maxi dresses for me. Bake sweet treats in the evening for the family. The one who forgive and forget. Accept people mistakes and support them in any way you could. You are an incredible one, you're my hero.
When I was a stupid girl , I dream big. I imagined major happiness. Saying , mum this , mum that. But certain things I told when I was little was never fake and I really mean it. How I want my husband is the one you chose. How I want you to see I graduate at the university. How I want you to arrange my marriage. How I wanna buy enormous houses where we can stay together. But hopes faded, dreams gone by second passes. When I lose you, I learnt not to expect is the key of happiness.
Mum, I love you. I don't need to say it. But just let me do. Hem, three years already. I don't need to be reminded for that. If you could see me now, would you be proud of me? The others already have clear view of their pathway. Ateh is still teaching, Kak Shidah had already become a nurse. And the others are doing well. I am still unsure of myself. However, I would follow my dream. I'll do good. I missed you, I'll always do. When you go , yo didn't go alone. You bring along a part of us. We would always love you and miss you. You are lucky mum, you got Dad! He really cares bout you. Since he left 2 years later following your footsteps, I learnt that I need to be ready for anything.
Hee. Nothing more I guess. I accept what Allah planned for me. Dear sweet mommy , please be proud of your daughter . I love you. Al fatihah....
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